a good boy and bad habits

by jennifer

back in august, maria, a new friend from church, invited me to visit her restaurant, a new business venture that she and her brother had undertaken. wanting to support my new friend, i opted to have lunch one day that week at their small, but cozy mexican restaurant.

mid-lunch, i noticed jacob. alto, moreno, donning a pair of wire-rimmed glasses, a baseball cap and a bright smile, i thought him perfectly adorable and a little bit nerdy.

maria introduced him to me as her brother. jacob, sweet and smiling, asked enthusiastic questions about my work. in turn, i asked him about the restaurant and he spoke to me about how difficult and exciting starting the new business had been for them. it'd been somewhat of a childhood dream: their own restaurant.

jacob said good-bye to me that day with a hug and talked about staying in touch.

i returned to the restaurant the following week and again exchanged what i perceived to be flirtacious pleasantries with jacob. i thought that if i went back once a week, jacob would eventually ask me out.

the third weekend, i decided to take a girlfriend to the restaurant for breakfast. she was curious to see my cute new friend. while we enjoyed our breakfast tacos, jacob appeared in the restaurant and immediately approached our table, seeming genuinely pleased to see me. he greeted me with a hug and chattered away.

shortly afterward, a petite young woman appeared at his side and he introduced her to us as his girlfriend. i felt my stomach sink. they were dressed for a day outdoors, and, indeed, they were on their way to a local hiking trail.

"so nice to meet you," i said to her as sweetly as i could.

i never went back to the restaurant.

(i know. i'm a horrible person. so much for supporting my church friend, maria.)

six months later, two of my friends and i were looking for a place to have a quick bite to eat for breakfast. we pass by maria and jacob's restaurant.

why not?

as my friends sat at a table, i found maria and complimented the new additions to the restaurant, feeling a pang of guilt for not having visited in so long.

midway through breakfast, jacob appeared in the restaurant. he wore khakis and a button-down shirt, the same wire rimmed glasses, and looked significantly more tired than i remembered him.

upon seeing us, he immediately came over to say hello. i could tell that his enthusiasm of six months ago had worn thin. i caught more cynical remarks about the business. no regrets, but the illusions not as bright. to add to his business difficulties, it seemed that he and his girlfriend had also broken up. he told me that he'd gained so much weight that he'd had to buy new pants! he was pretty much back to normal now. back into the pre-fat pants.

sometime during our conversation, jacob got up and returned with a taco in hand--sausage wrapped in a tortilla. we continued our conversation, and he spoke broadly about the restaurant and life in general, all the while chomping away on his taco.

he talked with his mouth open. bits of sausage and tortilla visibly rolling around in his mouth.

i cringed inwardly, not just because of the unsightly food, but because i was embarrassed for him to be chewing and talking in front of other people!

soon we were finishing our breakfast and found ourselves pressed for time to make our next appointment. my friends quickly made their way out and i trailed behind, still talking to jacob (who'd finished eating his taco). he walked me to the door.

as we are saying our good-byes, i tell him, "you seem different to me than you did back in september. you seem..."

"bitter?"

i laugh. "i wasn't going to say that."

"that's what one of the lawyers who's been helping us with the business told me. he told me that i'd gotten a taste of the bitter pill, running this restaurant."

i contemplate this statement for a moment. "i was going to say that you seem to have more of an edge to you this time around."

"do you think that's sexy?" he asks.

"do you want it to be sexy?" i ask back.

"yeah."

i laugh. "ok then."

i share with him that i will be out of town for a week.

he asks about my trip. i talk about it in flippant terms. this leads him to ask questions to assure that i have made adequate plans about travel and lodging. i tell him not to worry! i have it all figured out.

i touch him lightly and quickly on the chest and say, "we should hang out sometime."

"yeah," he says, slightly surprised.

"maybe when i get back."

"ok."

i jumped in the car where my friends were waiting and waved good-bye.

i thought about jacob for a while. he's a good boy. talks with his mouth full, but that can be remedied, right? i've been back from my trip for two weeks, but for some reason i haven't gone back to the restaurant.

a good boy. then why don't i go back? it makes me think that maybe i'm the one with bad habits.